No big news on the adoption in the past few days, other than, our home study was approved by Holt the day after it was submitted to them!! That's big news, I guess!! But we are still waiting on our social worker's supervisor's signature and then we'll get it (apply for grants) and send it in to be state certified. This big packet of papers sure knows how to get around! Soon, in no time, it will be in Ethiopia -- along with 1/4 of my heart!!
Big news on the home front though - a story I will remember FOREVER. Last night, my little guy, Drew (3 and 1/2) woke up at 3:30am (not too unusual these days for either of my children) and kept saying (in the baby monitor) "Mommy, I need you. Mommy come down." So, I did. When I got in his room, he said, "Mommy, I just need you to sing my song to me." When he was a baby (and I must admit, still) every night, while putting him to bed, I would sing 'You Are My Sunshine" to him, but the part when it says, 'you'll never know dear, how much I love you...' I sing 'you'll never know DREW, how much I love you...' So, I sang it to him and he said "Thanks mommy." And fell right back to sleep. Awwww - so yes, 1/4 of my heart is headed over (or is there already) to Ethiopia - but the other 3/4 is staying here with my hubby and kids. :)
Anyway, tonight, I'm going to write from a different outlook - one of being adopted. Many people, when they hear I was adopted and have met both of my biological parents, have many questions. I hope to answer some, but if you have more after reading this, please feel free to ask. I'm pretty open about it. Why not be? It is my story! I encourage those who are adopting, have adopted, were adopted, or placed a child up for adoption to read this. It is a perspective that it can't hurt to hear...
My parents adopted me when I was an infant. I was raised by my biological parents for about 2 weeks, then was placed in foster care for a few months until court proceedings were done and then I belonged to my parents! My parents were always real open with me, from early on, that I was adopted. When I got old enough, they shared with me the little information they had about my biological parents (it was a closed adoption, so no identifying information). When I was 21, I had their blessing to search for my biological parents and meet them. They were grateful and accepting.
If you know me at all, then what do you think I did ON my 21st birthday -- yep, began the search. I found out that going through the courts to find them was going to take a lot longer than anticipated, so I began the process but also registered the little information I did have on adoption.com. Sure enough, the day after, I got an email saying 'I found you. I'm your mom..." I called the clerk of courts and gave them her name and they confirmed that yes, it was her!! I was elated. It was so exciting! She and I spoke on the phone several times before meeting, but I can't explain what that initial meeting was like. Crazy!! Through her, I was also able to meet my biological father! Truly an amazing privilege that I don't think many adoptees get. When they had me, they were 18 and too young for a child. They weren't married. That was 10 years ago now and I still have a relationship with my biological mother. She did get married, but never had any other children. My biological father also got married and have two beautiful girls who stood up in my wedding. :) Both of my biological parents attended my wedding - pretty cool!! Anyway, out of courtesy to them, I won't say much more about them, but I will give a bit of perspective - from my outlook...
1) My parents who raised me ARE my REAL parents. My mom is great. She is a sweet person who is bold and sympathetic and tells it like it is. My dad was amazing. The strongest man and the best character in a man that I have EVER met. They changed my diapers, clothed me, fed me, supported me, cried through my teen- age years with me and because of me... No one could replace them. They obviously knew that, which is why I had their blessing in searching out my biological parents.
2) Children who were adopted (no matter what the age when they were adopted and no matter what awesome parents God gives them) feel, at some point(s) in life, rejected, abandoned, and alone. There is no way around it. No matter what the reason is that the biological parents gave them up, they feel it. If they do meet them and form a relationship with their biological parents and the new relationship falls apart, they feel it again. It's unavoidable. And they feel it worse when/if they have children of their own. Promise.
3) If you get to meet your biological child that you placed for adoption long ago, understand that the relationship is fragile. There are going to be issues, probably more than the average relationship. It takes dedication, understanding, sensitivity, and much more to keep it going. There are going to be unspoken issues that neither of you want to bring to the surface. It's not a chance to make up for lost time. There is not even been any lost time! You've been alive and so have they, it's just that you are just now having the opportunity to have a relationship. Take it slow.
I have more but I NEED to wash my sticky floors right now or I won't do it. And if I don't do it - I have to deal with myself in the morning saying 'why didn't you do that while the kids were asleep!' I'm sure I'll share more tomorrow.
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