Saturday, January 29, 2011
Baby Shower
I had a baby shower for a friend today. It was so fun. She got an outfit for her soon-to-be-born little guy that Drew had when he was about 9 months. Ohhh I got teary-eyed just seeing it. It took me back. Time goes TOO FAST. Carissa isn't a baby any more either! Awww. Anyway, that is it. Time flies TOO FAST and I miss my babies being babies.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Homestudy Headed Out
Today, I sent a copy of our home study to be state certified for our dossier. And sent a copy of it to the State of Wisconsin to get permission for our little kiddo to reside with us in Wi. :) Yes!! We are making progress! :)
This little one has such a place in my heart already. The feelings I feel for him/her are VERY similar to how I felt about Drew and Carissa when I was pregnant. Very, very similar. And yet, such a long wait!
Several people, lately, have said that they'd rather just give us money for our travel expenses than participate in fundraisers. That is FINE with us!! :) We are working on a way to make those donations tax deductible - but it will be 6-8 weeks before we find out if that is possible. We are also continuing on with fundraisers for multiple reasons...
1) It is a great opportunity to enjoy the company of friends at the fundraisers and the fellowship is awesome.
2) It's a great time to answer questions and update people about our process.
3) It is a great way to raise awareness and education in the community about adoption.
4) We are hoping to be a blessing (financially) to those businesses and to the individuals helping us fundraise by bringing in additional business to them.
Anyway, we'll keep you posted! :)
This little one has such a place in my heart already. The feelings I feel for him/her are VERY similar to how I felt about Drew and Carissa when I was pregnant. Very, very similar. And yet, such a long wait!
Several people, lately, have said that they'd rather just give us money for our travel expenses than participate in fundraisers. That is FINE with us!! :) We are working on a way to make those donations tax deductible - but it will be 6-8 weeks before we find out if that is possible. We are also continuing on with fundraisers for multiple reasons...
1) It is a great opportunity to enjoy the company of friends at the fundraisers and the fellowship is awesome.
2) It's a great time to answer questions and update people about our process.
3) It is a great way to raise awareness and education in the community about adoption.
4) We are hoping to be a blessing (financially) to those businesses and to the individuals helping us fundraise by bringing in additional business to them.
Anyway, we'll keep you posted! :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A Different Outlook -- On Being Adopted...
No big news on the adoption in the past few days, other than, our home study was approved by Holt the day after it was submitted to them!! That's big news, I guess!! But we are still waiting on our social worker's supervisor's signature and then we'll get it (apply for grants) and send it in to be state certified. This big packet of papers sure knows how to get around! Soon, in no time, it will be in Ethiopia -- along with 1/4 of my heart!!
Big news on the home front though - a story I will remember FOREVER. Last night, my little guy, Drew (3 and 1/2) woke up at 3:30am (not too unusual these days for either of my children) and kept saying (in the baby monitor) "Mommy, I need you. Mommy come down." So, I did. When I got in his room, he said, "Mommy, I just need you to sing my song to me." When he was a baby (and I must admit, still) every night, while putting him to bed, I would sing 'You Are My Sunshine" to him, but the part when it says, 'you'll never know dear, how much I love you...' I sing 'you'll never know DREW, how much I love you...' So, I sang it to him and he said "Thanks mommy." And fell right back to sleep. Awwww - so yes, 1/4 of my heart is headed over (or is there already) to Ethiopia - but the other 3/4 is staying here with my hubby and kids. :)
Anyway, tonight, I'm going to write from a different outlook - one of being adopted. Many people, when they hear I was adopted and have met both of my biological parents, have many questions. I hope to answer some, but if you have more after reading this, please feel free to ask. I'm pretty open about it. Why not be? It is my story! I encourage those who are adopting, have adopted, were adopted, or placed a child up for adoption to read this. It is a perspective that it can't hurt to hear...
My parents adopted me when I was an infant. I was raised by my biological parents for about 2 weeks, then was placed in foster care for a few months until court proceedings were done and then I belonged to my parents! My parents were always real open with me, from early on, that I was adopted. When I got old enough, they shared with me the little information they had about my biological parents (it was a closed adoption, so no identifying information). When I was 21, I had their blessing to search for my biological parents and meet them. They were grateful and accepting.
If you know me at all, then what do you think I did ON my 21st birthday -- yep, began the search. I found out that going through the courts to find them was going to take a lot longer than anticipated, so I began the process but also registered the little information I did have on adoption.com. Sure enough, the day after, I got an email saying 'I found you. I'm your mom..." I called the clerk of courts and gave them her name and they confirmed that yes, it was her!! I was elated. It was so exciting! She and I spoke on the phone several times before meeting, but I can't explain what that initial meeting was like. Crazy!! Through her, I was also able to meet my biological father! Truly an amazing privilege that I don't think many adoptees get. When they had me, they were 18 and too young for a child. They weren't married. That was 10 years ago now and I still have a relationship with my biological mother. She did get married, but never had any other children. My biological father also got married and have two beautiful girls who stood up in my wedding. :) Both of my biological parents attended my wedding - pretty cool!! Anyway, out of courtesy to them, I won't say much more about them, but I will give a bit of perspective - from my outlook...
1) My parents who raised me ARE my REAL parents. My mom is great. She is a sweet person who is bold and sympathetic and tells it like it is. My dad was amazing. The strongest man and the best character in a man that I have EVER met. They changed my diapers, clothed me, fed me, supported me, cried through my teen- age years with me and because of me... No one could replace them. They obviously knew that, which is why I had their blessing in searching out my biological parents.
2) Children who were adopted (no matter what the age when they were adopted and no matter what awesome parents God gives them) feel, at some point(s) in life, rejected, abandoned, and alone. There is no way around it. No matter what the reason is that the biological parents gave them up, they feel it. If they do meet them and form a relationship with their biological parents and the new relationship falls apart, they feel it again. It's unavoidable. And they feel it worse when/if they have children of their own. Promise.
3) If you get to meet your biological child that you placed for adoption long ago, understand that the relationship is fragile. There are going to be issues, probably more than the average relationship. It takes dedication, understanding, sensitivity, and much more to keep it going. There are going to be unspoken issues that neither of you want to bring to the surface. It's not a chance to make up for lost time. There is not even been any lost time! You've been alive and so have they, it's just that you are just now having the opportunity to have a relationship. Take it slow.
I have more but I NEED to wash my sticky floors right now or I won't do it. And if I don't do it - I have to deal with myself in the morning saying 'why didn't you do that while the kids were asleep!' I'm sure I'll share more tomorrow.
Big news on the home front though - a story I will remember FOREVER. Last night, my little guy, Drew (3 and 1/2) woke up at 3:30am (not too unusual these days for either of my children) and kept saying (in the baby monitor) "Mommy, I need you. Mommy come down." So, I did. When I got in his room, he said, "Mommy, I just need you to sing my song to me." When he was a baby (and I must admit, still) every night, while putting him to bed, I would sing 'You Are My Sunshine" to him, but the part when it says, 'you'll never know dear, how much I love you...' I sing 'you'll never know DREW, how much I love you...' So, I sang it to him and he said "Thanks mommy." And fell right back to sleep. Awwww - so yes, 1/4 of my heart is headed over (or is there already) to Ethiopia - but the other 3/4 is staying here with my hubby and kids. :)
Anyway, tonight, I'm going to write from a different outlook - one of being adopted. Many people, when they hear I was adopted and have met both of my biological parents, have many questions. I hope to answer some, but if you have more after reading this, please feel free to ask. I'm pretty open about it. Why not be? It is my story! I encourage those who are adopting, have adopted, were adopted, or placed a child up for adoption to read this. It is a perspective that it can't hurt to hear...
My parents adopted me when I was an infant. I was raised by my biological parents for about 2 weeks, then was placed in foster care for a few months until court proceedings were done and then I belonged to my parents! My parents were always real open with me, from early on, that I was adopted. When I got old enough, they shared with me the little information they had about my biological parents (it was a closed adoption, so no identifying information). When I was 21, I had their blessing to search for my biological parents and meet them. They were grateful and accepting.
If you know me at all, then what do you think I did ON my 21st birthday -- yep, began the search. I found out that going through the courts to find them was going to take a lot longer than anticipated, so I began the process but also registered the little information I did have on adoption.com. Sure enough, the day after, I got an email saying 'I found you. I'm your mom..." I called the clerk of courts and gave them her name and they confirmed that yes, it was her!! I was elated. It was so exciting! She and I spoke on the phone several times before meeting, but I can't explain what that initial meeting was like. Crazy!! Through her, I was also able to meet my biological father! Truly an amazing privilege that I don't think many adoptees get. When they had me, they were 18 and too young for a child. They weren't married. That was 10 years ago now and I still have a relationship with my biological mother. She did get married, but never had any other children. My biological father also got married and have two beautiful girls who stood up in my wedding. :) Both of my biological parents attended my wedding - pretty cool!! Anyway, out of courtesy to them, I won't say much more about them, but I will give a bit of perspective - from my outlook...
1) My parents who raised me ARE my REAL parents. My mom is great. She is a sweet person who is bold and sympathetic and tells it like it is. My dad was amazing. The strongest man and the best character in a man that I have EVER met. They changed my diapers, clothed me, fed me, supported me, cried through my teen- age years with me and because of me... No one could replace them. They obviously knew that, which is why I had their blessing in searching out my biological parents.
2) Children who were adopted (no matter what the age when they were adopted and no matter what awesome parents God gives them) feel, at some point(s) in life, rejected, abandoned, and alone. There is no way around it. No matter what the reason is that the biological parents gave them up, they feel it. If they do meet them and form a relationship with their biological parents and the new relationship falls apart, they feel it again. It's unavoidable. And they feel it worse when/if they have children of their own. Promise.
3) If you get to meet your biological child that you placed for adoption long ago, understand that the relationship is fragile. There are going to be issues, probably more than the average relationship. It takes dedication, understanding, sensitivity, and much more to keep it going. There are going to be unspoken issues that neither of you want to bring to the surface. It's not a chance to make up for lost time. There is not even been any lost time! You've been alive and so have they, it's just that you are just now having the opportunity to have a relationship. Take it slow.
I have more but I NEED to wash my sticky floors right now or I won't do it. And if I don't do it - I have to deal with myself in the morning saying 'why didn't you do that while the kids were asleep!' I'm sure I'll share more tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Homestudy Headed Out
Got the news from our social worker that she was sending out our home study to Holt (our international agency) today. They then review it and send it back to her. She sends it off to her supervisor in Milwaukee. Then, she sends us a finished copy and we send it off to be state certified. Then, we get it back and add it to our almost completed dossier! That's a lot of paper traveling all around the U.S., but it won't be in the U.S. much longer. Once it is added to our dossier - it gets translated and sent off to Ethiopia!!! Whew! That's a lot but it's a whole nother step!!! :)
So, where are we at? The home study will probably take about 3 weeks for us to get back and then we'll send it out to be state certified and we will get fingerprinted by the FBI. It will probably take another 2 weeks (these time-frames are just estimates to the best of my knowledge) to get the documents state certified. By the time we get the two documents back from being state certified, we should have the rest of our dossier completed. That means we send off our dossier to Holt, it gets translated and sent off to Ethiopia!! Once the dossier is in Ethiopia, ultimately, we could get our referral (picture and medical info) at any time. They are estimating the wait time to be a year, but you never know.
Financially, where are we at right now? Once we get the final copy of the homestudy, we can apply for grants. Once our dossier is completed and sent to Holt (I'm guessing in a month or so), we have to send in $3000.00 for that part. From then on, we are saving for travel expenses for our two trips to Ethiopia. Each trip is estimated to be (including flights for the two of us - and one flight with THREE of us(my favorite flight EVER)) is estimated to cost $8000ish. So, we are saving and scrimping (and fundraising) to cover travel costs. VERY EXCITING but I sure wish time would HURRY UP!!!! :)
Anyway, if I get any more specific information or better estimates of time or cost, I will let you all know!!
Prayer requests for us at this stage:
1) Patience. I feel so very rushed to get more paper work done (passport pictures, letters, etc.). But, ultimately, I'm working on papers for the dossier. The dossier will not be complete without the state certification of 2 documents and our fingerprints. I can't do ANYTHING about how long it takes for these all to be processed. So, I've got time. Also, we are still saving for the dossier fee ($3000). They won't look at our dossier until we pay for it, so -- get what I'm saying. There is no rush -- yet I am finding PATIENCE very difficult to come by!! So, patience for me.
2) That God will pick that perfect child to fit in to our little family. We know he will do this!
3) The day-to-day busyness. Between being president of MOMS Club and those responsibilities, babysitting, work, my two current children, the adoption, balancing the checkbook, Drew's school, blah blah blah, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off lately!!! I need to chill!! We'll take prayers for some opportunities for some relaxation and some time to 'be still' in the near future! :)
There are a ton more, but for now, we'll leave it with 3. Thank you all very, very much for your love and support. We really couldn't do it without you in our lives!!
So, where are we at? The home study will probably take about 3 weeks for us to get back and then we'll send it out to be state certified and we will get fingerprinted by the FBI. It will probably take another 2 weeks (these time-frames are just estimates to the best of my knowledge) to get the documents state certified. By the time we get the two documents back from being state certified, we should have the rest of our dossier completed. That means we send off our dossier to Holt, it gets translated and sent off to Ethiopia!! Once the dossier is in Ethiopia, ultimately, we could get our referral (picture and medical info) at any time. They are estimating the wait time to be a year, but you never know.
Financially, where are we at right now? Once we get the final copy of the homestudy, we can apply for grants. Once our dossier is completed and sent to Holt (I'm guessing in a month or so), we have to send in $3000.00 for that part. From then on, we are saving for travel expenses for our two trips to Ethiopia. Each trip is estimated to be (including flights for the two of us - and one flight with THREE of us(my favorite flight EVER)) is estimated to cost $8000ish. So, we are saving and scrimping (and fundraising) to cover travel costs. VERY EXCITING but I sure wish time would HURRY UP!!!! :)
Anyway, if I get any more specific information or better estimates of time or cost, I will let you all know!!
Prayer requests for us at this stage:
1) Patience. I feel so very rushed to get more paper work done (passport pictures, letters, etc.). But, ultimately, I'm working on papers for the dossier. The dossier will not be complete without the state certification of 2 documents and our fingerprints. I can't do ANYTHING about how long it takes for these all to be processed. So, I've got time. Also, we are still saving for the dossier fee ($3000). They won't look at our dossier until we pay for it, so -- get what I'm saying. There is no rush -- yet I am finding PATIENCE very difficult to come by!! So, patience for me.
2) That God will pick that perfect child to fit in to our little family. We know he will do this!
3) The day-to-day busyness. Between being president of MOMS Club and those responsibilities, babysitting, work, my two current children, the adoption, balancing the checkbook, Drew's school, blah blah blah, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off lately!!! I need to chill!! We'll take prayers for some opportunities for some relaxation and some time to 'be still' in the near future! :)
There are a ton more, but for now, we'll leave it with 3. Thank you all very, very much for your love and support. We really couldn't do it without you in our lives!!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Photography Fundraiser Fun
So, today was the first photography fundraiser event to aid in the adoption travel costs for our 2 trips to Ethiopia. It was soooo fun! Two of our friends are both amazingly talented photographers who rent a studio space and decided to run with the idea of a photography fundraiser for us. The kids and I went (Jaden was working) and had a blast. I must admit, our session went a little long, but what can I say? Both of my kids are TOTAL HAMS!! It was so cute to see them pose and so cute to hear Drew's love for his little sister. He kept saying he wanted her in his individual shots and saying 'I love you, Carissa' to get her to smile. It was adorable! What an awesome event! I think many friends had good intentions of coming and booking a session, but I know it's close to Christmas and a lot of people are still trying to catch up on putting away photos from the busy holiday season. But, there is another date set for March 5th and I'm guessing people with be eager to come in on that date for Easter/Spring pictures. Here is a seek peak of my silly, silly girl sliding away. :)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Home Study -- Check!
We completed our home study yesterday! It was great. The worst part was the preparations - cleaning. But, even that wasn't so bad. :) Our social worker did get to meet our kids briefly - and even that didn't make her change her mind! :) Just kidding. It feels great to have that step done. It is a big step forward.
So - what's next? Next, we complete our dossier. The dossier is a mass quantity of paper work you complete and have notarized or state certified. For most people, it takes around 3 months or so to complete the dossier. Part of the dossier includes getting our passport ready and then getting fingerprinted by the FBI and approval from the USCIS. This big stack of paperwork will be another HUGE step in the process. Once it is completed and checked over in the states, it goes to Ethiopia and then begins the waiting period. This is the time we get to wait for a referral - a picture and a little medical information about our child. Once we get the referral, it will be time to make our two trips to Ethiopia. So, that means, for the next period of time, we need to keep saving and earning money toward our travel expenses.
We do get monthly updates from our agency. The Ethiopia adoption program has become so popular and successful lately, that the wait time from the time you turn in your dossier until the time you can expect a referral has increased to about a year (it was about 4 months just a few months ago). So, that has us a little 'down' because of the longer than anticipated wait time, but that's ok. It will just be longer that we have to save money up and more time to find a van, etc. It will be great. Also, with some new changes, we will be able to not just visit the capital of Ethiopia, Addis Ababa. We will also get to spend a bit more time in our child's home town area. This will make the first trip a bit longer, but worth it! I can't wait to see my child's home land and take some good videos and pictures of it for him/her in the future.
Anyway, that is the latest on the adoption front.
For sad news, my grandmother passed away last night. She passed away two days before the two year anniversary of my dad's (her son's) death. She will be buried one day before we buried my dad two years ago. It is very sad and she will be missed, but thankfully she had a full happy life.
So - what's next? Next, we complete our dossier. The dossier is a mass quantity of paper work you complete and have notarized or state certified. For most people, it takes around 3 months or so to complete the dossier. Part of the dossier includes getting our passport ready and then getting fingerprinted by the FBI and approval from the USCIS. This big stack of paperwork will be another HUGE step in the process. Once it is completed and checked over in the states, it goes to Ethiopia and then begins the waiting period. This is the time we get to wait for a referral - a picture and a little medical information about our child. Once we get the referral, it will be time to make our two trips to Ethiopia. So, that means, for the next period of time, we need to keep saving and earning money toward our travel expenses.
We do get monthly updates from our agency. The Ethiopia adoption program has become so popular and successful lately, that the wait time from the time you turn in your dossier until the time you can expect a referral has increased to about a year (it was about 4 months just a few months ago). So, that has us a little 'down' because of the longer than anticipated wait time, but that's ok. It will just be longer that we have to save money up and more time to find a van, etc. It will be great. Also, with some new changes, we will be able to not just visit the capital of Ethiopia, Addis Ababa. We will also get to spend a bit more time in our child's home town area. This will make the first trip a bit longer, but worth it! I can't wait to see my child's home land and take some good videos and pictures of it for him/her in the future.
Anyway, that is the latest on the adoption front.
For sad news, my grandmother passed away last night. She passed away two days before the two year anniversary of my dad's (her son's) death. She will be buried one day before we buried my dad two years ago. It is very sad and she will be missed, but thankfully she had a full happy life.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Moving Forward
So, I've been debating lately (shocking, I know). During our adoption classes, a couple who is adopting a sibling group from Russia received pictures of "their children" (a referral). They had not yet started their home study, so pretty much were in the beginning just like us. So, now they get to spend the next who knows how long with pictures of their children in hand completing paper work, getting the house ready, getting fingerprinted, raising money, earning money, spending money, and saving money until they have enough money to pick up their children. I'm not sure about Russia, but I know with Ethiopia the avg. time it takes from start to finish is 12-18months. So, thats a LONG TIME with pictures of your children and no end in site to when they will be in your home. :( Hello! Pregnancy anticipation x2 (well, x4 for them with two children)...
Anyway, I was concerned at the time because I really would not handle that well - having pictures and waiting and waiting. So, my thought was that we could work on our dossier (big stack of papers) and raising/earning/saving money and then submit the paperwork so we could get a picture (referral) of our child. This is not usual though. Most people complete the paper work right away, send it in, get the referral, and then worry about how long it may take them to earn money to get there. So, my plan was to wait, but I just can't. Change of plans (now that is shocking - change is not my thing). So, I began working on our dossier yesterday. They say this can take, on avg. 3 months. According to my estimations, I should have it done in one month. :) Anyway, we will not rush it too much, but will get it done and submit it and then wait for our picture of our child, chosen for us by God to come and then worry about how to get him/her (or both? siblings? - more to come on that in a bit) home - just like the other crazy people we are joining in this process. :) If I could handle one baby born lifeless and another needing emergency heart surgery at 4 days old, I can handle waiting for my little one (or two) and looking at their picture for a longer period of time.
Right?!
Anyway, I was concerned at the time because I really would not handle that well - having pictures and waiting and waiting. So, my thought was that we could work on our dossier (big stack of papers) and raising/earning/saving money and then submit the paperwork so we could get a picture (referral) of our child. This is not usual though. Most people complete the paper work right away, send it in, get the referral, and then worry about how long it may take them to earn money to get there. So, my plan was to wait, but I just can't. Change of plans (now that is shocking - change is not my thing). So, I began working on our dossier yesterday. They say this can take, on avg. 3 months. According to my estimations, I should have it done in one month. :) Anyway, we will not rush it too much, but will get it done and submit it and then wait for our picture of our child, chosen for us by God to come and then worry about how to get him/her (or both? siblings? - more to come on that in a bit) home - just like the other crazy people we are joining in this process. :) If I could handle one baby born lifeless and another needing emergency heart surgery at 4 days old, I can handle waiting for my little one (or two) and looking at their picture for a longer period of time.
Right?!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Photography Fundraiser
Here is a photography fundraiser to assist us in our travel costs to Ethiopia that some friends are doing for us! Pretty awesome!!!!
http://bringinghomebabythomas.com/Home.html
http://bringinghomebabythomas.com/Home.html
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to everyone! We had a very fun night with friends. It was a great way to start the new year with lots of laughter! We are so fortunate to have the friends we do, both out here, in La Crosse and in Milwaukee. We are very blessed by all of you!!
I can't wait for 2011. This year will, I'm sure, just like others bring its share of challenges! But, I can't help put be hopeful that this is the year we will meet Thomas Baby #3 from Ethiopia!! That is going to be one amazing journey. I daydream about that first meeting with our little baby for the first time. And I really can't imagine the heartbreak it will be to leave him or her there, half way around the world, until we return in 8-12 weeks. Oh that will be soooo hard. But then to return and bring our new baby home --- ahhhhh! I can't wait!! I've been reading a book about the struggles of bringing a baby to his/her new home - after they are used to being in an orphanage, half way around the world. I'm sure it will be a difficult transition for everyone, but it will be awesome. Isn't that what life is about anyway? Everything on this earth is temporary and always changing, so... :) I just am really excited about it all.
I hope, for everyone reading this, health and happiness in the New Year! Welcome to 2011!!
I can't wait for 2011. This year will, I'm sure, just like others bring its share of challenges! But, I can't help put be hopeful that this is the year we will meet Thomas Baby #3 from Ethiopia!! That is going to be one amazing journey. I daydream about that first meeting with our little baby for the first time. And I really can't imagine the heartbreak it will be to leave him or her there, half way around the world, until we return in 8-12 weeks. Oh that will be soooo hard. But then to return and bring our new baby home --- ahhhhh! I can't wait!! I've been reading a book about the struggles of bringing a baby to his/her new home - after they are used to being in an orphanage, half way around the world. I'm sure it will be a difficult transition for everyone, but it will be awesome. Isn't that what life is about anyway? Everything on this earth is temporary and always changing, so... :) I just am really excited about it all.
I hope, for everyone reading this, health and happiness in the New Year! Welcome to 2011!!
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