A Little Over Two Weeks Home

I know you have all been waiting for an update. . .   ;)

We have been home just over two weeks now. Samara is a completely different girl! Most days get better and better as we provide her structure and love.  Our first week home was a blur.  Almost no sleep, trying to get on track, catching up on laundry and cleaning from the trip... Wow.  Last week, our two older kids were on spring break. This was a real blessing for many reasons - one being that I really hate my oldest being gone at school all day every day anyway, so I got to enjoy his presence around here all week! Also, Samara just LOVES interacting with and playing with her big brother and sister.  Being around other kids really makes her smile and laugh. It is so fun to see.  Also, it was good to give the two older ones a week to bond with her.  I have to say though, because we are in lock-down therapy mode, I was grateful when some family and some friends picked up the two older ones and took them out and about for a bit.  I knew they were enjoying themselves and they were out of the house for a bit. That was helpful!!

Samara still has difficulty being alone. This is understandable, as I'm pretty sure she was NEVER alone for her whole 20 months of life. There was always a nanny from the orphanage working or a crib neighbor close by. That being said, sleep is somewhat of a challenge.  Most often, Samara likes to sleep on top of me.  They say "sleep when your baby sleeps," well, I've been doing a lot of that - or reading while she sleeps.  The past few days, she has slept in her pack n play during naps and that gives me a chance to quick change laundry around, or clean a bathroom, or load/unload the dishwasher. Also, she usually sleeps for about an hour (two if we are lucky) at night before demanding that I join her - giving Jaden and I a chance to catch up quickly or sneak in a tv episode.  That has probably been a challenge for me, because if you know me at all, I'm a tiny bit of a busy-body/clean freak/mover (first step is admitting it, right?)  But anyway, I've been reading  a lot about adoption parenting during all of this down time and I'm educating myself about Samara's special needs as far as bonding and attachment goes and I am grateful for the opportunity to research what this looks like from professionals' eyes and rest assured that I'm making the best choices I can for Samara's future.

Adoption parenting is quite different that parenting your bio-kids - at least at first anyway. And understandably so considering what her life has looked like until we got her home! I'm sure it's not easy for some of our family/friends to understand why we don't take her out and about much or why we can't let her cry herself to sleep or why no one else can hold her/feed her/change her for the next several months. If you want to know more about our reasoning behind all of this, just ask. I am open to sharing what I've learned.

We did take Samara to church yesterday. It went well while we were there, but I think we may have pushed it a little much; once we got home, she was not so happy or content. It was worth a shot, as I was glad some of you could at least see her and I was able to see some of you!! This hunkering down thing can be a bit lonely at times!! Unfortunately though, we'll be returning in a few weeks - when Samara is more ready.

Many people of dropped off food for us. I can not say thank you enough!! Last week was full of doctor appointments, lab tests, football practice... There just wasn't much time or opportunity for grocery shopping or cooking! This week is quite similar, so I really can't thank you enough for blessing us and caring for us in this way. Thank you!!

It is so great to finally have our little peanut home. She fits in so well with our family and each one of us just loves her to pieces!! She is funny and sweet and full of smiles. We are thankful for our new little girl!!

First time at the park... She lasted a few minutes in the swing! :)

So Much To Do, So Little Time!

Hello everyone!

We hope everyone is well. We are finally home with Samara and we are grateful for the prayers and support you have provided while we have worked to bring her home. We have written this letter in order to share what we’ve learned about adoption and attachment, as well as ways you can assist with helping Samara transition and adjust to her new family.

In many ways, Samara is much like Drew and Carissa and she will be raised the same as they have but there will be a few, initial differences. For years now, we have researched bonding and attachment in children who are transitioning into a loving family from institutional orphanage setting.

Firstly, Samara does not yet know her new mom and dad. She has been taken from the only home she has ever known. The people, the language, the sounds and smells, the customs and routines at home are all new to her. She will need ample time to get to know us and trust us. Research shows that it is crucial that this bond is established as early as possible upon Samara arriving home and it must be done with only immediate family present.

For the first 19 months of her life she has not had her basic needs met. She has spent 22 of 24 hours a day in her crib and she has not learned discipline or learned how to express her emotions. As you can imagine this presents challenges that must be met in a nurturing environment and only by mom and dad.

After consulting with other adoptive families from our community, and at the advice of adoption professionals, our plan is to have a no-visitors policy for 1 month. This is our time as a family to adjust to new family dynamics and develop a highly structured and nurturing environment for Samara, which is something totally new for her. After this time, we will begin branching out, but will still minimize our outside contacts until we see that she is feeling secure in her new environment.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and respect of how important these next few months are for Samara. We want to start off by doing what is best for her but we understand that some aspects may be difficult for the rest of us.

Our Time in Ethiopia Part Two

Here is a pic from our visit to the orphanage the day before we took custody...

After the farewell ceremony that Monday we were able to return to the Guesthouse with Samara. It was so great to finally have her with us 24/7.

That Tuesday was our Embassy Appointment. It was very quick and very painless. And after that, our Samara was officially ours according to both the Ethiopian Government and the US Government!! Oh happy day!!!!

The next few days and nights at the Guesthouse were a very big mix of wonderful and challenging. We had moments like this, where Samara wanted to play and smile and have a good time...

And then we had many, many challenging times. See the orphanage is the only place Samara has ever known. The nannies at the orphanage are the only caregivers she has ever known. There is a lot of grieving that takes place when you pull an almost 19 month old from the only place and people she has known. Let alone that she has never ridden in a car before. Had never really left the walls of the orphanage before we came and snatched her out. There was a lot of both fear and grieving since we left. And, unfortunately, it's not over...

Our Time in Ethiopia

We got home late, late Friday night. To say things have been busy since, just doesn't do it justice. So, I'm finally getting the chance to write about our trip.

Less than 48 hours before we were scheduled to fly out, we found out that Lufthansa canceled our flights. Their pilots went on strike the three days surrounding our flight out. Ugh. I can't even explain the panic we were feeling. Thankfully, our travel agent got us scheduled on a different flight with Turkish Airlines (I DON'T recommend them in any way... in case you were wondering). So we ended up arriving in Ethiopia on Saturday morning very, very early in the morning. We checked in to our guest house, unpacked and got about two hours sleep before waking up to get on with the trip! On Saturday, we went shopping with a friend that previously lived in Wisconsin and now resides in Ethiopia. We spent the day and evening with her and her family. It was AWESOME! So great to be able to connect and understand and spend time with someone you are familiar with when everything else is so unfamiliar (and often uncomfortable). Next to getting custody of Samara, this was my favorite few hours, hands down!

On Sunday, we got to go visit with Samara for a few hours in the afternoon. Thankfully, we had another couple from New Jersey that I had connected with often before leaving that we spent tons of time with while in Ethiopia. This also was a huge blessing for us. It was great getting to know them better and chatting while sitting at the orphanage and holding and playing with our girls!

On Monday, we went to the orphanage for the farewell ceremony. This was a long, hard day. The nannies at the orphanage really do the best they can and they really grow to love the kids there. Samara has been there almost 16 months, so these ladies have come to know her quite well and have been like her mother figure this whole time. Though the conditions at the orphanage are painful to see and experience, we know that our girl was treated well and was cared for. That is most important. During the farewell ceremony, many other kids were there - younger and older. There was cake, coffee, soda, singing... it was so so so precious.

More later.Cant'.Stay.Awake.

Unexpected Changes/Challenges (again)

Hello all!

So there have been some unanticipated changes regarding our trip to Ethiopia. Less than 48 hours prior to departure we learn that 5,500 pilots from our airline will go on strike from Wednesday night to Friday night. Yep, our flight was scheduled for Thursday and it has been canceled along with 3,800 other flights. We have switched some things around...we now have a new flight booked! The flight schedule will be very, very challenging (especially the 7 hours in Turkey with her on the way home and the 1:00 a.m. flight times) but in the end - the whole reason for the trip and everything surrounding it will be worth it. 

We will now be flying in and out of Chicago instead, so I am guessing that, unfortunately, our welcoming committee will not be meeting us at the airport. Bummer. We were so excited to meet our girl to many of you for the first time. But we also don't expect anyone to drive to Chicago either, so I guess we can hope for soon after we return for that meeting to take place.

If you are not reading our blog, please do so. We will try to post pictures and updates during the trip (but from what I hear the internet at our hotel has been down for some time now so we may not have that option). Also, I have an interesting read a few posts back that talks about what these first few days, weeks and months home may (who knows?) look like for us that some of you may want to read for an explanation of why you don't get to meet our precious beauty immediately upon our return (besides the fact that her mother will be not letting her go from her arms for at least the first two weeks).  ;)  You can find our blog here: http://thomasbabyadoption.blogspot.com/

We so appreciate everyone's support and encouragement and prayers and love throughout this journey with us. It's been a long one - three and a half years!! Just as we are grateful that God put this call to adopt on our hearts, we are grateful that He has seen it through to completion (almost there!!!) and it is so worth every moment. Can't wait to get her home and for her to see this love surrounding her all this time - a world away!!

Also, I've gotten a ton of emails and texts and facebook messages from many of you the past few days and between working and taking care of the kids and packing and then switching flights around and figuring out Chicago and well - so much more - I have been a bit delayed on responding. Thank you for your grace and I will keep in touch soon!

Thank you for your prayers for our health and safety on our trip. We can't wait to share her picture with you all in just a few days!!

Much love,

The Thomas Family