No News is Not Always Good News

After my post yesterday, I decided to email our agency for an update on our case. Turns out no news is not always good new - sometimes it is NO news. :(  I don't want to get too specific about things on a public blog but I will share that, for some reason (not sure why) the event that needs to happen next for our case to move forward is not even on the books yet. This means, if it is not scheduled by Aug. 6th (when the Ethiopian courts close for 6-12 weeks due to rainy season) that it can't even be scheduled until they reopen. I was pretty devastated to get that news yesterday. This puts us back for both trips quite a bit. If courts reopen in October, I am guessing our first trip won't be until November or December. That means we won't get our girl home until February AT THE EARLIEST - I'm guessing, at this rate - probably even quite a bit later than that.

I am crushed that I won't be able to meet my girl before hers and my birthday. I am crushed that she is getting older and I am missing days upon days from her life. I am crushed that the older she gets, the more challenging the adjustment to her new forever family. I am crushed that my two biological children have to contain their excitement to get their baby sister home for even longer. 

This means that, unless we hear that this next step has been scheduled before August 6th, we will hear no other news until the courts reopen (6-12 weeks after August 6th). Please refrain from asking me "how the adoption is going" or "if we've heard any news" during the month of August and September. I will tell you all when I hear anything. We most certainly will NOT hear a thing for many, many weeks and my heart needs some time to get over this. I know people mean well, but I just can't take it for awhile. I know things could be worse and I know His plan and His timing prevails. I get that. But right now, I need to just sit in this yucky place.

Thanks.

Not Much

Not much is new here on the adoption front. I am pretty certain we will not be traveling to Ethiopia before the court closure on Aug. 6th. At this point, I am anticipating our first trip to be in late October or early November?

The kids and I are keeping quite busy this summer though! I'm enjoying as much time as possible having my boy home for summer!!!! I am not looking forward to him returning to school in just over a month. Here are my sweeties at Old World Wisconsin yesterday.

Submitted to Court!!

Yesterday, we were submitted to court in Ethiopia!! This is a huge step!! It means that we stand a chance (maybe a slim chance – but I’ll take it) of getting to Ethiopia to meet our little girl and pass court there before the court closures on Aug. 6^th. There is a TON that has to come together to make that happen, but we know that God can do a TON and we are praying for that!! If we don’t travel for court on/before Aug. 6^th, or if we don’t pass court by Aug. 6^th, we are looking at not getting there for our first trip until October or November (courts close for 6-12 weeks). The thought of that wait just breaks my heart, so I am praying for the best but expecting the worst, so as to try to protect my heart. In a few weeks, we should receive an update as to how the process in Ethiopia is going. I will update you all then.

As far as finances, I am totally BLOWN AWAY by people supporting us in this process. As you will see from the information below, we are ready!! We only have about $4000.00 left to save for this adoption to be 100% paid for. We can’t even begin to put in to words our appreciation for each of you and your support and encouragement over the past 2 and ½ years!!

Here are the fundraisers that are still going on:

FUNDRAISERS

Ordinary Hero: This is a non-profit organization that does mission trips and promotes orphan awareness. They have some awesome products for sale and we receive 40% of items purchased online. Check them out! They have lots of products for both men and women (some adoption-themed, some not). Shop here: http://www.ordinaryherostore.org/. Just be sure to choose “Thomas, Jennifer” as the Fundraising Affiliate at checkout.

Just Love Coffee: $5.00 to us for each bag of coffee sold www.justlovecoffee.com/TheThomas. The coffee is DELICIOUS!!

Adoption Bug T-Shirt Fundraiser: You can order t-shirts from this site: www.adoptionbug.com/thomasadoption. You can order and pay on-line and the t-shirt(s) will be shipped directly to you. We make anywhere from $5-$10 (depending on the t-shirt) per shirt sold toward our adoption. Check it out! They have some cool, high-quality shirts for sale!

TAX DEDUCTABLE GIVING: Lifesong for Orphans: Make a tax deductable donation. They will accept donations in our name up until we travel to bring home our child. Make checks payable to ‘Lifesong for Orphans’. In memo section: ‘THOMAS #1855 ADOPTION’. Send to Lifesong for Orphans  PO Box 40  Gridley, IL  61744.

PRAYER REQUESTS

-   First and foremost for our little baby girl! She is doing as well as can be expected since she is in the care center. And did I mention she is ADORABLE?? For her health and development in these next several months.

-        -   For our baby girl’s first family. We ask for prayers for their hearts.

-          -   Finances to continue to come through and successful fundraisers.

-          -  Patience and faith for both of us as we wait to travel.

-          -   Jaden is about to release his first album!! Stay tuned for details coming soon! And check out his website: www.jadenthomas.com and his facebook: search “Jaden Thomas Music.”

Thank you all so much! We are very blessed by each of you!

The Thomas Family

Step	Cost	Date Paid	Due Date
Application Fee – LSS	$420.00	10/25/10
Application Fee – Holt	$300.00	10/27/10
Home Study Fee – LSS	$2,780.00	1/14/11
USCIS	$890.00	2/2/11
Program Fee – LSS	$1750.00	5/20/11
Dossier Fee – Holt	$3,000.00	5/6/11
Dossier Update Fee – Holt	$255.00	6/28/12
Program Fee – Holt	$9,890.00	5/9/13
Post Placement Fee – LSS	$1,300.00	Ready	6/24/13
Trip 1 to Ethiopia	$7,000.00 (estimated) (this went up $1000 from last month because flights in July/August are SUPER expensive).	Ready	Upon Scheduled Travel Date $6000.00 grant from Show Hope
Trip 2 to Ethiopia	$7,000.00 (estimated)	NEED	Upon Scheduled Travel Date Have $2750.00 toward this total.

June Update

We received our referral for our beautiful baby girl just over a month ago (5/7/13). What a whirl-wind it has been ever since!! It seems like it is constantly good news, bad news, good news, bad news. Things change at a moment’s notice! But we are so thankful to finally have our referral and pictures of our baby girl!! We have them up all over our house and we think about her and talk about her constantly!

We are still waiting to be submitted to court. We are hopeful that this will happen within a month or so. Once we are submitted to court, that really gets the ball rolling in Ethiopia.

There are some changes going on with the process though. There is a new step in place called the PAIR Process. This process will, more than likely, have some impact on our travel dates. It could speed up the date of our trips or push back the date of our trips. It is very unknown what effect the PAIR Process will have on our case. If I had to guess at this point, I would say the earliest we could be traveling would be end of July or early August (I get the feeling this is wishful thinking on my part though). If we don’t travel by Aug. 6^th, the courts shut down for 6-12 weeks beginning Aug. 6^th, so then we’d be looking at traveling in October or November for our first trip. I will certainly keep you posted as soon as we hear!! Of course, we are wishing and hoping and thinking and praying for getting there before the court closures…

As far as finances, I am totally BLOWN AWAY by people supporting us in this process. As you will see from the information below, we are ready!! We only have about $3000.00 - $4000.00 left to save for this adoption to be 100% paid for. We can’t even begin to put in to words our appreciation for each of you and your support and encouragement over the past 2 and ½ years!!

Here are the fundraisers that are still going on:

FUNDRAISERS

Ordinary Hero: This is a non-profit organization that does mission trips and promotes orphan awareness. They have some awesome products for sale and we receive 40% of items purchased online. Check them out! They have lots of products for both men and women (some adoption-themed, some not). Shop here: http://www.ordinaryherostore.org/. Just be sure to choose “Thomas, Jennifer” as the Fundraising Affiliate at checkout.

Just Love Coffee: $5.00 to us for each bag of coffee sold www.justlovecoffee.com/TheThomas. The coffee is DELICIOUS!!

Adoption Bug T-Shirt Fundraiser: You can order t-shirts from this site: www.adoptionbug.com/thomasadoption. You can order and pay on-line and the t-shirt(s) will be shipped directly to you. We make anywhere from $5-$10 (depending on the t-shirt) per shirt sold toward our adoption. Check it out! They have some cool, high-quality shirts for sale!

TAX DEDUCTABLE GIVING: Lifesong for Orphans: Make a tax deductable donation. They will accept donations in our name up until we travel to bring home our child. Make checks payable to ‘Lifesong for Orphans’. In memo section: ‘THOMAS #1855 ADOPTION’. Send to Lifesong for Orphans  PO Box 40  Gridley, IL  61744.

PRAYER REQUESTS

• -          First and foremost for our little baby girl! She is doing as well as can be expected since she is in the care center. And did I mention she is ADORABLE?? For her health and development in these next several months.
• -          For our baby girl’s first family. We ask for prayers for their hearts.
• -          Finances to continue to come through and successful fundraisers.
• -          Patience and faith for both of us as we wait to travel.
• -          Jaden is about to release his first album!! Stay tuned for details coming soon! And check out his website: www.jadenthomas.com and his facebook: search “Jaden Thomas Music.”

Thank you all so much! We are very blessed by each of you!

The Thomas Family

Step	Cost	Date Paid	Due Date
Application Fee – LSS	$420.00	10/25/10
Application Fee – Holt	$300.00	10/27/10
Home Study Fee – LSS	$2,780.00	1/14/11
USCIS	$890.00	2/2/11
Program Fee – LSS	$1750.00	5/20/11
Dossier Fee – Holt	$3,000.00	5/6/11
Dossier Update Fee – Holt	$255.00	6/28/12
Program Fee – Holt	$9,890.00	5/9/13
Post Placement Fee – LSS	$1,300.00	Ready	6/24/13
Trip 1 to Ethiopia	$6,000.00 (estimated)	Ready	Upon Scheduled Travel Date $6000.00 grant from Show Hope
Trip 2 to Ethiopia	$7,000.00 (estimated)	NEED	Upon Scheduled Travel Date Have $3600.00 toward this total.

Be Still...

  "He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”  - Psalm 46:10

I thought I got this scripture before... See, if you know me, you know I have a real problem "being still." I sleep through 99% of the movies and tv shows I attempt to watch because I'm not doing something and am forced to be still. I am one of those crazy people that enjoy cleaning - because it involves little to no being still. I get this about myself and I've come to terms with it. ;) 

The "know that I am God" part never really hit me like the way it has in the past 2 weeks. It started the day after we accepted our referral of our little girl. My son was sick and I was up all night with him. I had to miss a work meeting that morning and I called my boss and she prayed with me. Part of her prayer for me was to "be still and know that you are God." Well, He heard her!! I had a ton of forms to get filled out and notarized for the adoption and I had to take both of my kiddos with me to run all of these errands (my son was done puking by this time, at least but being the super mom that I am, I brought a bucket with me just incase -- I know - thoughtful). First stop - police station. I went to turn in forms requesting a notarized statement that neither Jaden nor I have criminal convictions in Oconomowoc. The worker told me it would be 3-5 business days before they had this information for me... First I was angry and began to ramble off all kinds of totally accurate information about how quickly other police stations have gotten us this information in the past, how totally unreasonable of a time frame that is considering the population of Oconomowoc... Then I started crying, showing her a picture of our daughter and begging her to "rush" it (which she did -- thank you police woman!!!). We got out to the car and my kids began asking why I was crying... What kind of faith-filled mother am I displaying to my kids? Crying in the police parking lot? Suddenly, I heard "know that I am God." See who is God to me at this moment? Was I allowing Him to be who He is? He is, after all, my mediator, my comforter, my refuge. By getting my undies all in a bundle over some paperwork taking longer than I had hoped, was I putting my faith and trust in Him and all that He IS?

Next stop, doctors office. That went smooth. Thank you, Lord. ;)

Next stop, Jaden's work. Traffic jam. What? traffic jam at 1:00 in the afternoon? Yep, but maybe meant just for me. Suddenly, I heard again (both the kids were sleeping -- allowing me to hear ANYTHING), "Be still and know that I am God." I was still. Stopped in traffic still. Know that I AM God. Just wenn I was starting to count down the months before I will get to meet our daughter. Just when I was thinking of how old I will be when baby #3 comes, how old my bio-kids will be, how old she will be when I meet her - the pain started creeping in and suddenly - again - I was thinking of who God is to me... My rock, my truth, my refiner. 

See - I can continue in my business (and I more than likely will) but I better sit my rear down sometimes (even if I am stuck in traffic and FORCED to be still) so I am able to hear what my mediator, comforter, refuge, rock, truth, refiner, redeemer, father, God is telling me. And I better rest in who He is. I don't "got this" but He does "got this." I can't hold my daughter and keep her healthy and strong for the next several months, He can. I haven't made all the money for this adoption just magically appear in our adoption account - but He has. 

So, thank you to my boss for praying that prayer for me. I have way more examples than this from the past few weeks that serve as even more proof to me that God wants me to settle in for the next few months and get to KNOW Him during this tumultuous wait. This is part of my journey, my family's journey, my new daughter's journey. I will always be able to tell her what got me through this wait! Only God.

The Back Story

I have to admit, most of the time, I have been on cloud 9 since receiving the phone call about our new little girl.  I can't stop thinking about her, talking about her, and loving her already!! But, at times, the pain creeps in. It is a pain some people won't understand. . . But this little girl has parents somewhere in Ethiopia. I'm am certain that they loved this little girl. They loved her enough to give her life. They are missing her and their heart is longing for her, just as mine is. 

Speaking from 1st hand experience, growing up adopted is different (speaking from the experience of a closed adoption and not being able to find my bio-parents until the age of 21). There are lots of unanswered questions, and at times, even though I had THE BEST, MOST LOVING adoptive parents any child could ask for, that feeling of rejection and being unwanted creeps in. I am guessing that is only natural for any adopted child. I can't imagine the way our little girl is going to feel when she realizes that many of her questions may never be answered. . . 

You see each child born in this world has a story. The thing is - in the case of adoption, this story is not ours to tell. It is hers someday, if she decides to share it. When growing up, my parents didn't tell everyone I was adopted. They didn't tell everyone the story of who my biological parents were or why they gave me up for adoption. That would have only multiplied my negative feelings for adoption later in life. It would have made me had ill-feelings toward my biological parents -- whom I have had the privilege of meeting -- and those ill-feelings would have been totally unwarranted.

Thus, if you want to know our daughter's story -- her story is this. She was an orphan - with no mother or father of her own. James 1:27 says, "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." Along came parents for this little girl. Soon, she will be ours. There -- that is the story. Some day, if our girl feels like sharing anything that happened in between these times, it is up to her! Not me.

Here is a great article I found that explains all of this so much more clearly than I am able... Please take the time to read it...

My Child's Backstory Is None of Your Business

---

MAR 202013

A call for discretion, respect, and neighborly love in adoption.

Megan Hill

Everyone loves a good adoption story. They are happy-ending stories, filled with drama and struggle and redemption, not to mention chubby-cheeked children. Perhaps you have seen one of them in your newsfeed recently—amazing stories endlessly shared and beautiful to read.

My children have stories like these, too, but I'm not going to tell them.

In the New York Times last month, Peter Mercurio wrote "We Found Our Son in the Subway" about how he and his partner (two men, but that's another issue) found a baby abandoned in a subway station and later adopted him. Mercurio writes that his son Kevin, "who had been left on the ground in a corner behind the turnstiles, was light-brown skinned and quiet, probably about a day old, wrapped in an oversize black sweatshirt."

Behind that single sentence is a world of pain and sin and confusion. For readers, this sentence merely inspires the headline that makes a good bedtime story. Jezebel bloggerLaura Beck said we should read Mercurio's piece: "so we can all hold each other and cry about how sometimes the world is wonderful." But for the boy Kevin, being found in the subway means that there was a man and a woman, his biological parents, who each believed that the thing they should do was to abandon him.

I'm not sure any child is ready to process that himself, let alone have the world re-tweeting it.

Also recently, journalist and photographer Callie Mitchell documented her pregnancy, delivery, and decision to place her son Leo for adoption. Her story, written as journal entries, appeared in a special edition of The Daily Iowan, and reveals heart-breaking turmoil and indecision. Mitchell's Aug. 2 entry, when she was five months pregnant, reads: "I told him [Leo's birthfather] I wanted to keep our baby. We fought. I then promised him I'd put our baby up for adoption. I just want this constant fighting to end."

Baby Leo is now three months old. He is unaware of the struggle for his life and well-being that happened before his birth, but someday he will read those words. And he will have to confront the fact that thousands of other people have already read them.

In this digital age, information lasts forever, and adoptive parents are increasingly, permanently, and publicly telling stories that are not theirs to tell.

Why? Partly, I suppose we tell them because people ask. Even mere acquaintances frequently ask me questions about my children's place of birth, their health prior to adoption, and the financial status of their birthparents. Constantly deflecting nosiness takes more energy than many parents have.

And, maybe we tell our children's stories because we believe strongly in the cause of adoption and want to promote it to others. Maybe, selfishly, we tell them because we adoptive parents are the heroes of those stories. Or because we believe that our child's identity can be found in his experiences, rather than in his union with Christ.

But maybe we just haven't thought much about it. One mom told me, "I wish someone had told me [at the beginning] to keep every last detail quiet. . . I feel that there are a lot of people who know that [my daughter] was abandoned, and I wish that I had not even shared."

I think the thoughtless telling of our children's stories stems from forgetting something that all parents are prone to forget: my child is my neighbor. Yes, I am his parent—with all the authority and responsibility that entails. Of course. But my child is not simply my possession or an extension of myself. He is a human being, made in the image of God, with a soul that will never die. And his story does not belong to me.

In Luke 10:29, a lawyer approaches Jesus "desiring to justify himself" and asks, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus' response, the parable of the good Samaritan, makes it clear that we can't exempt ourselves from being someone's neighbor. Everybody is my neighbor. Even the child in my home. Learning to view my child as my neighbor means that I look out for his interests (Phil. 2:4). That I must love him as I love myself (Matt. 22:39). That I must treat him as I would want to be treated (Matt.7:12).

What's good for me as a parent—what generates pageviews or makes casual acquaintances happy—is not always what's good for my child. Instead, loving my child means keeping his stories quiet until he can decide what to do with them.

Sarah is an adoptee who, as an adult, has been a caseworker for children in the foster care system. Reflecting on times in her own childhood when people would ask questions about her adoption, she remembers "feeling a little violated. I think the feeling of being violated was that I never saw being adopted as a big deal. I look back, and I always felt part of the family, always accepted, and always loved. I was never treated differently, so why bring up my adoption?"

Most of us want to be known as individuals with unique, God-given abilities and interests, rather than people who are defined solely by what tragedy has happened to them in the past. I think my child will want to be the kid who can make people smile, or who can hit a Little League homerun, or who can draw masterpieces with crayons. And, as his neighbor, it's my job to let people see him that way. Kevin Mercurio, on the other hand, may spend the rest of his life as "that boy who was left in the subway." To me, that's not a neighborly thing to say.

The Moment We've Been Waiting For...

It finally came!!!

On Tuesday, I was walking into work and my phone vibrated in my pocket (never got to hear that song I set for my special ring tone). I took it out and saw this...

I thought for sure they were calling to let me know that one of our documents was needing updating. Nope! As soon as she told me, "I have what I hope is some good news for you" I fell to my knees on the sidewalk and started bawling. I couldn't believe it! She didn't give many details over the phone... Just told me she is a girl, 9 months, and a bit of her story. I was deliriously happy. Happy for us that we have a little girl joining our family. Happy for one more orphan to have a family. SO. very. happy. 

I walked in to church, and suddenly, I felt the other half of emotions. Suddenly, I knew that there was a mommy and daddy in Africa missing their little girl. While I am deliriously happy about a little girl I have not yet met, someone else is mourning the loss of a little baby they did get to meet. That is the bitter sweet-ness of adoption...

Thankfully, someone finally came out to bring me down to earth again and I called Jaden to tell him the news. We didn't want to look at the paperwork and pictures of our new girl separate so I went to his work and we got to see her beautiful face together. And let me tell you, she is beautiful. One look at her little face and her big brown eyes and I was in love!! I can not post any pictures of her until we get her home, but take my word for it - she is totally adorable!

As Jaden and I were looking over her paperwork, I kept seeing my b-day - 8/17 on it. I eventually realized, that's her birthday as well. We share a birthday!!! How GODSOME is that? Yep, I just made up a word - Godsome (don't be jealous that I came up with it first; it totally fits). 

I called Holt back as soon as I got home and accepted the referral of our sweet baby girl. 

The following afternoon, Holt called me back to go over the next steps. They emailed me a long list of papers to sign and get notarized. They also informed me that, in order to be submitted to court, we will need to update a number of forms from our dossier (HUGE stack of papers). This was painful to hear, as some of the papers we needed to update can take a while to be completed by the proper people. I'm not good at waiting in the first place, let alone considering my daughter has been sitting in the orphanage for the past almost 9 months and I'm READY to get her home!! The clock is TICKING! Unfortunately, our homestudy update has to be state certified - so I paid extra to have it overnight-ed to Madison and overnight-ed back to me and for expedited processing while in Madison. The state should have received our document today and I am just hoping that someone signed it today and it will arrive at our house on Monday so I can overnight all of our dossier updates to Holt on Tuesday. Worst case scenario, Holt gets it by Friday -- no matter what, not soon enough for me. But I am doing my best to be patient -- usually unsuccessfully...

So, what's next? Well, once all of our documents are at Holt, they send them off to be state certified in Oregon. Then, they send them off to Ethiopia for them to look over and assign us a court date - that will be our first trip to Ethiopia!! There are a few things that can have a drastic effect on when that court date gets scheduled for...

     - paperwork. I have a 3 inch binder FULL of paperwork regarding our adoption. Holt has that same amount of paperwork regarding our case both in Oregon and in Ethiopia. And they are always adding to it as the case necessitates. If one of these papers are late coming in, we wait longer.

     - court process in Ethiopia. There are a few court processes/interviews that take place in Ethiopia. If someone doesn't show up, their case need to be rescheduled - thereby delaying ours.

     - rainy season. The adoption courts in Ethiopia close from mid-July to mid-September (approximately) every year for rainy season. ;( 

Originally, I was praying that our little girl and I could celebrate our birthday together. Nope. Rainy season. UGH. Holt said not to expect to travel until rainy season is over. Thus, I am hoping our first trip will take place in October. This is when we go to court and wait to hear the judge in Ethiopia say, "She is yours." We stay for about a week (I'm hoping to add a few days to our itinerary to see more of my daughter's culture). Then, we return to have the hardest wait time begin. We return about 3 months after our first trip to bring our little girl home - so maybe January or February? Can I just say, I can't wait?! I can't wait to have a little one around the house again. I can't wait for my bio-kids to meet her and to be able to love on her. And pull her in to bed with us at night and smell her and hold her and play with her beautiful black hair. OHHHH I can't wait. ;) Then you will all see how adorable she is!!

Oh and I forgot to tell you, our bio-kids are ECSTATIC. They both walked around with a picture of their new baby sister in their pocket that next day. They both have pictures of her in their room. They are eager to go shopping for her (mostly so she has her own toys to play with and doesn't try to play with theirs, but that still counts as cute, right??). It is great. We even went to McDonalds to celebrate on Tuesday and they got to play in the playland, eat ice cream, and didn't even have to take a bath before bed to wash away the playland germs and grossness!! They are going to be awesome big siblings to our new baby girl!!

                                           (She totally has socks on, what are you lookin' at?)